Why did you have to go?

It's only been hours since you left and I already can't cope with it... You've successfully smashed me to millions and millions of pieces... How you did it, I don't know... The pain is too great too bear... I feel like pulling out my hair, making me feel more pain to shut out this emotional baggage etc... Whatever it takes to put me out of this misery... Whatever... I don't care what it is... I just want to be numb to this agony... It's worse than a breakup... At least with that you have a clean break and you don't have to think about either any more... But this is different... Our relationship is just beginning to take off; I'm starting a totally new chapter in my life, which you will totally miss; you're finally straightening out all your issues... But all of a sudden you're gone... Just like that! I'm just left in the balance not knowing what to do or what to expect... It's like having a boyfriend that is non-existent... I hate this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This 'loss' is much worse than any losses I've had put together... You have left me red-eyed since the time you told me you were going. Why did you have to do this?! Have you any idea how much it hurts? Isn't there any other way out? I am feeling something I've never felt in my entire life! Not even when Jon enlisted into BMT... Why are you gone when I need you the most, to stand beside me, to hug me, to give me support, encouragement and advice... Why? What did I do to deserve this? Why did you have to leave me for $10k?

I'm not me anymore... Everything has lost its meaning... You made me feel whole... Nothing means more to me than you... But when you left, you ripped out a part of me... There's an emptiness inside of me now that only you can fill... You've left me in the bottom of a deep ditch with no route of escape... All I can do now is just reminisce about the times we had together... The times when we cuddled under the comforter on a rainy day, the moments we fell asleep in each other's arms, the TV series marathons we had, the movies we watched together, the times when we'd wait for each other after work, school and church, the time when you accompanied me during the PC show, the holidays we went on, the meals and pigging out we had, the friends we shared, and of course, all the hugs, kisses and love... All these are just memories... They remind me of you... But they will never bring you back to me NOW! I am not used to my life now... And I don't think I'll ever be...