Day 2 of OBO... HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's 0820hrs, Sunday, 2 Sept 2007... It's been a year since we first met and almost 24hrs since you left... I've been waiting all night for your call... But it hasn't come... I'm getting very anxious... Panicky... Wondering what has happened to you... No call, no message, no email... I don't know what the hell is going on... I'm worrying even more... I know nothing's happened yet (and I hope it remains that way) and I try to keep my thoughts that way... But I don't have a very good gut feeling... It's making me feel topsy turvy... And trust me... It's not in a good way... I can't relax... I haven't had a good night's rest... I cried myself to sleep... Woke up at 1am hoping to see your call... I dreamt of you last night... But only to wake up back in reality... I jumped out of bed this morning finding frantically the phone I held to sleep last night, hoping not to have missed your call... Only to find the wallpaper displayed... I then tried to go back to sleep when a message arrived... I quickly scrambled for my handphone... Only to find out that message was from a friend... Imagine the disappointment and added stress it gave me... It got me breaking down again... ARGH!!!!!!!!! I just feel like putting myself out of this agony... It's sucking the life out of me... How am I gonna carry on?????? I just can't seem to do anything... I just can't sit down for a minute and do something proper... My heart has been pierced and this is starting to manifest physically even though I try to push these thoughts out of my head... But it all just doesn't seem to want to get out... I feel like banging my head against something to get it out... I don't know what to do! I feel helpless... And vulnerable... Time feels like it has slowed down... I feel worse then a zombie... Am I going crazy? There's nothing for me to hold on to... Khai says its an obsession... I feel it's more to do with the pain of separation... I'm trying to take it as best as I can... You were my stronghold and when u went, it followed... I just can't seem to find the strength I need now... I know it's very selfish of me to pour all this out and make you even more worried... But I need somewhere to lighten all this pressure... Somewhere where no one tells me, "he'll be alright, he's fine, he'll be safe, nothing will happen etc etc etc"... Darling, HELP ME!!!!!!!
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2128 hrs
I just got home from Vivo (the place we went for our 1st month)... Went there with my mum and bro... They wanted to go look around... And mum insisted I go along... So whatever... Everything about that place just kept reminding me of you... The shops, the surroundings etc... Even the music that was being played in all the shops somehow were connected to us... And it makes things worse when I see couples doing the things we did... It kills me even more... It's worse than any kind of POW torture there ever was... Anyway, after that, I was thinking of going over to your place to see the dog and return your toothbrush and get your mail... But it never materialised... I'm still feeling very shit... Don't know if it's from the emotional distress or me not being able to stomach anything... Yup... I haven't eaten much these two days... I just haven't had any appetite... The smell of food just makes me nauseous... And just taking a bite makes me puke (which I did after breakfast and not too long ago)... Am I going into depression??? I don't know... All I know is that I want you to come back home... NOW!!!!!! I swear you wouldn't want to know what's going on in my head right now... All you need to know is that I need you baby!!! Badly... Don't you know that I can't go on without you? Haven't you already realised that? Why do you have to do this? WHY????????????