Day 5 of OBO... I don't know...
I just got home from my interview... Going out again in 20 minutes time to your place to put your toothbrush back and see if you've got mail... I'm feeling very very lousy... I don't know if I screwed up my interview... My results are all coming out tomorrow... I just puked again for no reason... I'm turned off by the smell of food... I don't know what's wrong with me... I'm scared I'm going into depression... I'm trying everything to prevent me from going into that stage... But nothing is helping... I just feel like crying all the time... I'm feeling damn shit... I can talk to others about you being gone... But when I'm on my own, I just feel like crying and want you to come home and just be with me... I know it's selfish... But I can't help feeling this way... Everything has gone upside down... I try to be optimistic... But I can't... Every time I think about you, all I think about is the day we said good-bye... Darling I can't cope anymore... Even prayer's unable to comfort me... I just don't know what to do anymore... I feel so so very very lost... I try to understand that you're doing this so we can start afresh... But it hurts me even more that way... I'm feeling cold... I feel alone... I can't cope any longer... I just want to end this pain... I just want to go into a long long sleep...
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Time now is 2332hrs (GMT+8; aka Singapore time)... I just got home from my cousin's place and waiting anxiously for your call... Went there cause they were commemorating the death anniversary of their granddad... It's a Eurasian thingy... So being half that... Yup... You kinda get the picture...
Before that, I went over to your place to get your toothbrush back into its stand n also to collect your mail... Nothing of utmost importance... Just the usual junk from the banks and also an acknowledgement letter on the successful Giro application... Anyway, when I reached there, your dog was barking frantically... And when I went in, she was just jumping all over me... It's like as if she knows that I've not been there in almost a week... Well she's getting better... Real fussy eater... Only eats Cesar, the wet food you bought... She's back to her active self again... Jumping all over the place... Her surgery wound is healing very nicely... The dead skin's starting to fall off... And she now knows how to take off the cone if it's tied using a raffia string... So much so 妹妹 had to use the collar to fasten it... Her allergy also seems to be healing... So that's good... She somehow also knows that you're gone for a long time... She gave me the kind of look which you'd interpret as "how come you're alone? 主人呢?" When I saw that look I started to tear... Even your dog misses you so much... Anyway, your mum started to talk to me about you going for OBO... Did you know she's against it? She didn't want you to leave... And do you know she's also EXTREMELY worried about your safety... She did ask if you called... But I didn't know how to communicate it to her... Not too long after, 妹妹 came home... She went to BMTC today... Well she also asked about you... I just broke down when I told her about you... She was nice about it... She misses you too... She says the house is so quiet without you around... Anyway, so that was that...
So after that, I made my way to my cousin's place... That's when you called... Well after we hung up and after all the 'Hello's, the first question I got was, "Where's your boyfriend?" I swear, that was the question that had me on the brink of tears... I just couldn't speak... I was choking on everything I said... Mum had to answer for me... And this didn't come once... Every auntie of mine was asking for you... Then during dinner, my grandaunt asked me this,"So when's your Big Day?" Honestly speaking, I was stunned! I just didn't know what to reply... Once again, Mum helped me answer... Everyone's being asking for you... I just don't know how to react really... I try to say something, but every time I get choked on my own tears... I just don't know what to say, or what to do without having to end up like this... On the way home, my grandma (my mum's mum) was asking when the results for my interview today will be out... Then I said 2 weeks time... Then she said just pray that it goes well... Then I said... There's a part of me that wants this job... But at the same time, there's another part of me who's willing to sacrifice this opportunity to spend more time with you when you return... Then there was one thing she said that really made me tear, "True love never fails..."
Anyway, it's passed midnight now... You still haven't called... I hope you do soon... My left ring finger is starting to swell for no reason... and typing's starting to hurt... Earlier the area around the thumb felt like I had a paper cut (but thing is I've got no wounds on either fingers)... I just hope I'm not coming down with HFMD... Plus mosquito bites... I hope dengue doesn't set in... But if these things should happen, will you come back and be by my bedside?
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Time now is 2332hrs (GMT+8; aka Singapore time)... I just got home from my cousin's place and waiting anxiously for your call... Went there cause they were commemorating the death anniversary of their granddad... It's a Eurasian thingy... So being half that... Yup... You kinda get the picture...
Before that, I went over to your place to get your toothbrush back into its stand n also to collect your mail... Nothing of utmost importance... Just the usual junk from the banks and also an acknowledgement letter on the successful Giro application... Anyway, when I reached there, your dog was barking frantically... And when I went in, she was just jumping all over me... It's like as if she knows that I've not been there in almost a week... Well she's getting better... Real fussy eater... Only eats Cesar, the wet food you bought... She's back to her active self again... Jumping all over the place... Her surgery wound is healing very nicely... The dead skin's starting to fall off... And she now knows how to take off the cone if it's tied using a raffia string... So much so 妹妹 had to use the collar to fasten it... Her allergy also seems to be healing... So that's good... She somehow also knows that you're gone for a long time... She gave me the kind of look which you'd interpret as "how come you're alone? 主人呢?" When I saw that look I started to tear... Even your dog misses you so much... Anyway, your mum started to talk to me about you going for OBO... Did you know she's against it? She didn't want you to leave... And do you know she's also EXTREMELY worried about your safety... She did ask if you called... But I didn't know how to communicate it to her... Not too long after, 妹妹 came home... She went to BMTC today... Well she also asked about you... I just broke down when I told her about you... She was nice about it... She misses you too... She says the house is so quiet without you around... Anyway, so that was that...
So after that, I made my way to my cousin's place... That's when you called... Well after we hung up and after all the 'Hello's, the first question I got was, "Where's your boyfriend?" I swear, that was the question that had me on the brink of tears... I just couldn't speak... I was choking on everything I said... Mum had to answer for me... And this didn't come once... Every auntie of mine was asking for you... Then during dinner, my grandaunt asked me this,"So when's your Big Day?" Honestly speaking, I was stunned! I just didn't know what to reply... Once again, Mum helped me answer... Everyone's being asking for you... I just don't know how to react really... I try to say something, but every time I get choked on my own tears... I just don't know what to say, or what to do without having to end up like this... On the way home, my grandma (my mum's mum) was asking when the results for my interview today will be out... Then I said 2 weeks time... Then she said just pray that it goes well... Then I said... There's a part of me that wants this job... But at the same time, there's another part of me who's willing to sacrifice this opportunity to spend more time with you when you return... Then there was one thing she said that really made me tear, "True love never fails..."
Anyway, it's passed midnight now... You still haven't called... I hope you do soon... My left ring finger is starting to swell for no reason... and typing's starting to hurt... Earlier the area around the thumb felt like I had a paper cut (but thing is I've got no wounds on either fingers)... I just hope I'm not coming down with HFMD... Plus mosquito bites... I hope dengue doesn't set in... But if these things should happen, will you come back and be by my bedside?
posted by Rebecca at 4:40:00 pm
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