Day 7 of OBO... Too Many Obstacles...
I have absolutely no idea what's wrong with me... I've been crying since the day you left... But at the same time, when I'm at work, Such feelings don't really bother me much unless I've got nothing to do or I'm alone in the office (like now)... I've been waking every morning with a rapid heartbeat and breathlessness... Then I'll start to worry... And then after that, I just feel like crying again and can't go back to sleep... I think I've been getting anxiety attacks... I just don't know what causes it... And I don't know how to stop it... It just keeps going for like 30minutes or sometimes even longer... Then I get chest pains... It feels like a strain... But I don't know... And the ring finger on my left hand has started swelling... It feels like something bit it... but there's no wound at all to suggest any thing of that sort... Sigh...
Anyway, there's gonna be a hell lot of changes in the coming months... Just when I'm settling into this new life without you here for me, it's going to be changed again... Sigh... I just got my results for both my school exam and the police interview... Results for my degree was sent yesterday... This year's exams were the best results so far... 3 of my subjects were above 60 and OT, which was fully taught to me 2months before the exam, was a 44... That's really a miracle... I've been conferred the award of BSc Sociology (2nd class honours, lower division)... And of course, part of the credit should go to you, my love, because you were there pushing me to study during my exam prep... The police force also called me up yesterday evening saying that I've cleared my interview... And that before they can confirm appointment, I've to go through a medical screening and some undisclosed procedures... Only then will appointment be confirmed... SIGH...
I know this is something which I've always wanted... But with all that's going on now, I'm not sure if I'm ready for another change so soon... And should I make it through everything, there's gonna be another change when my darling comes home... There is no doubt that he'll understand what I'm going through... But what worries me most is that we will have less time for each other... And I pray that this does not come at the expense of the relationship... I know that true love never fails... But too much tension n too little communication will definitely be detrimental to the relationship... Sigh... I'm only 21 and all these are happening to me now... I guess its better now than later... But I guess this will set me apart from other people my age... And I guess it'll make me grow up much faster than anyone else my age... Haiz... Anyway, I need to get back to work... This will be continued... Either tonight or tomorrow...
Anyway, there's gonna be a hell lot of changes in the coming months... Just when I'm settling into this new life without you here for me, it's going to be changed again... Sigh... I just got my results for both my school exam and the police interview... Results for my degree was sent yesterday... This year's exams were the best results so far... 3 of my subjects were above 60 and OT, which was fully taught to me 2months before the exam, was a 44... That's really a miracle... I've been conferred the award of BSc Sociology (2nd class honours, lower division)... And of course, part of the credit should go to you, my love, because you were there pushing me to study during my exam prep... The police force also called me up yesterday evening saying that I've cleared my interview... And that before they can confirm appointment, I've to go through a medical screening and some undisclosed procedures... Only then will appointment be confirmed... SIGH...
I know this is something which I've always wanted... But with all that's going on now, I'm not sure if I'm ready for another change so soon... And should I make it through everything, there's gonna be another change when my darling comes home... There is no doubt that he'll understand what I'm going through... But what worries me most is that we will have less time for each other... And I pray that this does not come at the expense of the relationship... I know that true love never fails... But too much tension n too little communication will definitely be detrimental to the relationship... Sigh... I'm only 21 and all these are happening to me now... I guess its better now than later... But I guess this will set me apart from other people my age... And I guess it'll make me grow up much faster than anyone else my age... Haiz... Anyway, I need to get back to work... This will be continued... Either tonight or tomorrow...
posted by Rebecca at 10:54:00 am
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