Day 30 of OBO... September's over!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Wake me up, when September ends..." Sounds familiar? Well that's a Greenday song... Quite coincidentally, it's about the Iraqi and Afghanistan war... So anyway, it's the last few hours of September... I'm looking forward to leave this month behind... There's been a bit of ups, but most of it has been rather down for me... But it's all over now and it's time to move on...

I was woken up at 0545hrs by Josh Groban's 'You Are Loved'... Well it's not the computer playing the song or anything of that sort... Instead, it was your much awaited call... Yup... That's the ring tone I've set for all your calls... So this is YOUR ring tone... Seriously, when you called, I thought it was only 0200hrs... 'Cause you were off watch then and you were supposed to call me... But you said that the phone lines were down, and so you sacrificed your sleep to call me when the lines were up... And darling, that's really really sweet... And I really really appreciate it!!! It really made my day... Even though it was super early morning... We spoke for another record breaking timing... 46minutes this time round... And you have no idea how at ease hearing your voice makes me feel... And I'm not sure if you are aware of the impact you have on me... Every time you say 'I love you' and 'I miss you', I start to cry... Not because I can't control my emotions or anything... I am just very very touched that even though you're in such a difficult situation, you still love and care a lot about me... I'm very very sure you know what it's like to be loved by someone...

Anyway, after your call, I went back to sleep... Slept till about 1030hrs... The first time in weeks... Since you left, I've not been able to sleep properly... Maybe it's because I'm constantly thinking about you... Consciously and subconsciously... Sigh... So anyway, I woke up and went to bathe... Took a super long shower... Almost an hour, I reckon... Then got ready for church... Yup... Had to go again today 'cause I was doing an announcement at the Children's Mass to promote the year end musical... Well they have this every year for children in conjunction with Children's Day... Well I left my place at about 1200hrs to meet Jillian at 1310hrs at the bus stop at her place...

On my way out, one of my neighbours stopped to give me a ride out to the bus stop... Waited forever for 163... Meanwhile, I read the book which Kevin lent me... Reading the book sometimes makes me want to retake my A levels so that I can do medicine, my first career choice... Anyway, the bus finally came... And I reached Toa Payoh at about 1300hrs... Well, as usual, I had to wait for Jillian... I just waited at the bus stop and just stared blankly into thin air... At that time, there was really nothing going through my head... Another first in a long long time... Well Jillian finally came down and we walked to church...

We went up to the main hall and I went to get a seat while she went to kaypo with her stuff... While waiting for mass to start, I was praying, as usual... Praying for the same things... You and your safety, for us and our relationship etc... Well that's really what's on my mind right now... And I know that I can't do anything but pray... So pray I did... Well mass went on as per normal... And soon, the time for my announcement came... Was I nervous? No... I guess because after taking part in the pageants and going to the international level made my stage fright disappear... So I guess after speaking on such a level would make me very comfortable with speaking in front of big crowds... Anyway, the kids were really cute... And when the priest introduced me, they were all clapping really loudly... So ya... I felt like a celebrity really... Hahaz.... Anyway, my opening line was, "Hey kids, do you want to be a star?" And they were all screaming, "YES!!!!" It's really very encouraging to see them respond to you like that... So after mass, I went down to the booth to help out with the registration and headed home after that...

Left church at around 1600hrs... Caught the bus and reached home at about 1645hrs... And I came online... The first thing that caught my eye was a Multiply message... It read 'Need Your Help To Pass A Message To Albert'... Well I was obviously wondering why multiply would send me this kind of an email... So I went to read it... And it was from your primary school classmate, Sandy... Well she wanted me to tell you that Xiaomei, another of your classmates, was getting married and would like you to be there... And she was really really sweet... She told me not to worry and that you'll call back... So ya... Really nice person... Anyway, I've already told Xiaomei that you wouldn't be attending 'cause you'll only be back the day after... And I also passed her your contact number 'cause she had your old one... And I also have her contact number... So give her a call when you get back OK?

Haiz... So many wedding invitations... Sigh... It just makes me wonder when our turn would come... I can imagine what it'll be like... From the proposal, to the wedding preparations, to the photo shoots, to the wedding day itself... And of course, a lifetime together... Well for me, a wedding's a day but a marriage, a lifetime... Somehow, for some reason, I feel that I'm mentally prepared for a married life and the emotional of me is ready to settle down and start a new life with you... But of course, I know there's more to think about and consider before making this lifetime commitment... From finances, to a new home, to children, other responsibilities etc... But then again, all these still do not deter me from looking forward to a married life... Maybe it's because I've seen what my parents have been through and I want a life like theirs, where they have each other and us, their kids, one happy family... I don't know... I guess our time will come... Sooner or later... And honestly speaking, I'm actually looking forward to the day we say 'I Do'... Not because I'll get to wear a beautiful wedding gown and walk down the aisle but more because I'll get to share my entire life with you, the person I love most and care for...

You asked me before if I really think you're the right one for me, and whether you're worth such a 'gamble' because there are others out there who are much better than you and I've got a long long way more to go, having just graduated... Well my answer to that is a very firm yes... Simply because of what we're going through now... It has been said that it is only in hardships that you'll get the real beauty of a person shine... And I've seen that... Through your actions and thoughts... I'm not exactly the easiest person to love... But even in such a trying situation, you're still able to be patient with me and love me ever so deeply... That's all I need to be absolutely sure that YOU ARE THE ONE... The road this past month has not exactly been the best for us... We have had our disagreements... But at the end of the day, even this distance and turbulence cannot stop us from reconciling with each other... And it has no power over the trust, faith, commitment (and all the other nouns you'd use to describe what is needed in a relationship) and, most importantly, the love we have for each other... It's making this love we share even stronger and harder to break... The beauty of chaos... And I know that when we have crossed this hurdle, we will emerge as a much stronger couple who will be able to overcome any adversaries that will come our way... So with that, I want you to know this... I will stick by you, through thick and thin, no matter what the circumstance... I love you, Baby, and I love you unconditionally!!!

Day 29 of OBO... Our 11th Monthsary...

It's our 11th month as a couple today... Well I'm happy that we've come this far... But at the same time, I'm sad 'cause we can't celebrate it together... But because by going on this mission is your first choice and your primary goal will be achieved, I'm willing to make this sacrifice, to let you go to pursuit your dreams... Even if it means that it hurts real bad... And no matter what, I'll always walk beside you, to accompany you on your journey and to be there for you when you need me...

Anyway, I woke up this morning to your voice... I'm sure you know how it feels to start your day hearing from your loved one the first thing in the morning... Well that was how I felt... And at the same time, I missed you even more... Well we spoke for the longest time since you left... Ya... We spoke for almost 45minutes... Then you had to go 'cause you needed to sleep and your friend wanted to use the phone... So anyway, after we hung up, I went to wash up and got ready to go to Novena...

I left the house at about 0945hrs... 'Cause I was meeting Jillian at 1030hrs at Toa Payoh MRT Station's platform... Reached about 1020hrs... And waited for her till about 1045hrs... Well, we then took the train to Novena... Went for the 1100hrs service... It lasted for about half an hour... Well, I prayed for you and us... Prayed that you'll be kept safe from any danger and harm, and that the whole mission will be uneventful (that means nothing will happen... No threats whatsoever... Smooth sailing, so to speak)... As for us, I thanked God for bringing you into my life and the 11 beautiful months we've shared and I also prayed for strength for both of us to go through this trying period and emerge as a much stronger couple and to continue to bless us and help us in our relationship... Well, that's all I have now to keep me going... This is really my only solace... And I'd really like you to be able to share it with me... If you're comfortable with it, that is... I'm not trying to convert you or anything... That will ultimately be your calling and decision and I promise I won't do anything to make you convert... If one day YOU wish to do so, I'll be here to tell you more about the faith and journey with you... But like I said, it will have to be your choice and you don't have to convert if you don't want to... And rest assured that your decision will always be respected...

So anyway, after the novena, we took a bus to Orchard to grab lunch ('cause Jillian wanted to go to the Sony Ericsson Service Centre at Wisma... And for the record, it's been exactly a month since I stepped into town... The last time was when we went to meet Johnny to collect the PSPs... It's taking me a really really long period of time to get over this... But at the same time, a part of me doesn't want to get over it... I don't want to have to lose the significance these things have)... Went to eat chicken rice again... But this time, we went to eat at Lucky Plaza... The chicken rice shop I used to patronise when I was in Junior College... It was not bad... The soup was yummy but a bit salty though... The ginger and chilli were just as 'hiam'... So that was good... And the chicken was really tender... Still the same as it was 4-5 years ago... Price wise... For town, it's alright la...

After lunch, Jillian wanted to walk around to look for a pair of shoes... But we couldn't find any... So we decided to walk over to Wisma... But just then, my tummy felt like shit... It was churning... So we went to the toilet at Tangs... Had really horrible diarrhoea and a lot of wind... Well, at least the tummy ache happened only once today... But there still is a lot of trapped wind... So that means there still is stomach cramps... Sigh... So anyway, we went over to Wisma after that... Only to find out that the Sony Ericsson Service Centre was closed for renovation... So after that, we walked to Far East Shopping Centre to look for Jillian's shoes... Well after walking around, we managed to find a pair which she liked... So we then headed down to the Marina Square area 'cause I wanted to look for something while she wanted to get her nails done... So that's precisely what we did... We got on 700, which brought us all the way to Millenia Walk... From there, we walked to Marina Square, where I saw a really nice Fox Kids skirt which I could wear but was too expensive even with the 15% discount they were giving UOB cardholders... And we also passed by Body Shop, where Jillian got some stuff for her auntie and wanted to renew her card but could not do so... So after that, we walked over to Suntec, 'cause I thought I saw a travel fair (but it turned out to be something else)... Well we then walked to City Link, where Jillian got her nails done... Took about 40minutes... So I basically waited for her... Was super bored... Sigh... After she was done, we walked over to Esplanade to check out something which I have in mind for you and then went to catch the bus to church...

We reached church at about 1620hrs... Had to wait for some time for practice to start 'cause they were having a committee meeting... Well today was my last weekend of my duty for this year... Which also means that this is the last weekend in September... And that means October will be here in another 24+hrs... Which also means that one month is over... Well I hope that from now onwards, I'll be even busier than I am now... 'Cause Christmas and my mission preparations will be starting at the end of October... And also, my music theory exams will be here in 4weeks... I really hope everything will pass much faster than it has... I try not to think about the time... But honestly, this month feels like it's the longest month ever... I wish such feelings would be around when you're here... So at least it'll feel like we've got more time to do all the things we want to do... Sigh... Oh well...

Anyway, after mass, I caught the bus home... Reached home at about 2030hrs... Went to wash up 'cause I didn't feel like eating at all... And after that, I came online... So here I am blogging... Yup... That's basically my day... BTW Raymond wants me to tell u that his cousin Linda (ur ITE classmate too) is now a Mummy and the Encik Tan's dad passed away and that his funeral's on Tuesday... So ya... That's basically it... So anyway, this is where today's entry ends... Going to email you now... So till tomorrow...
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P.S: Darling, this MTV's specially for you... You're my perfect joy, Love... And I love you... I always will... BTW I'm waiting for you to get off watch... Which means I'm waiting for your call...

Day 28 of OBO... One-Quarter Down...

Finally a quarter of the mission is over... And there's another three-quarters left... But it still doesn't make my day any better... Today just started on a very very wrong note... It all started with that argument we had last night... Until now, I still don't understand why you get so pissed off when I tell you that I miss you... Maybe you just can't stand me crying... But I can't help it... There is an emotional pain involved and I thought you understood that... Shouldn't you be happy that I'm missing you... Doesn't that mean that you're still the one I love a lot... And shouldn't you be put at ease that there are people at home who care tremendously about you and love you deeply? Oh well...

Anyway, I woke up at about 0845hrs this morning... Went to wash up and waited for Colin after that... The usual morning routine... He came at around 1000hrs... We didn't go straight to office... Went to send his car for servicing at Sin Min... And we met Sat (our colleague) and his wife there... So after that, we followed Sat to Sentosa to drop his wife off at work and then went to office... Got in at about 1100hrs... As usual, I had to do the accounts again... Entered as much as I could into the system... Only managed to finish until mid-July today... Well I went for lunch at around 1300hrs... Didn't eat much... Didn't have an appetite anyway... So anyway, did the accounts for the rest of the day... MSN was also on... So was chatting with Raymond and Jillian... And since I was left alone in the office from 1245hrs onwards, I could write you an email... I really hope that you would someday respond to my emails the way you used to respond to you know who's... So anyway, I stayed in office till about 1830hrs before I packed up and left...

When I left, it was raining cats and dogs... It's been raining quite often lately... Climate's changing really drastically... Today's lowest was about 25 degrees Celsius... I was, quite obviously, freezing my butt off... Anyway, I caught a bus to Dhoby Ghaut to meet Andy to go look for places to celebrate 妹妹's birthday... We went to Swensons and Manhattens... But both do not take reservations on Fridays... So we Andy said to try the TCC at the atrium... Well, the restaurant manager was quite nice... He accommodated our request... And even allowed us to order a cake without having to put a deposit or anything like that... So after that, Andy headed to your place to go find 妹妹 while I headed home... That was about 1945hrs... I reached Serangoon station at about 2015hrs... Waited for 70 to come... I reached home at about 2100hrs... Went to wash up, and here I am, online...

I'm waiting for you to call now... You promised that you'll call me... But I haven't received any calls from you at all... You usually would call me after your watch or sometime during the day... But I haven't heard from you at all... I'm hoping that the only reason why you can't call back is because the satellite connection's down... But if it's because you are actually taking your friends' advice to not call me so often, I tell you, I'll be f-ing pissed off! You may think that by not calling, everything will be resolved... I'm sorry to tell you this, but you will only be making things worse... With signs of a communication break down starting to show, you communicating less with me will only do more harm than good to the existing situation... So if your friends' don't call their wives and girlfriends so often, that's there business... Our relationship is NOT the same as theirs... And therefore, the way to go about our relationship WILL NOT be the same as them... So please, wake up! I know you hate me to talk about your friends like that... But let's face it... This relationship will not work if there is no proper communication... And for the record... It is OKAY to show your emotions... If you miss me, say you miss me... If you're pissed, tell me why... If you feel like shit, talk to me... I want to share everything with you... You don't have to be selfish to make a relationship work... In fact, being selfish will hurt the other party more than anything else... Give it some thought... I really hope you do...

Day 27 of OBO... One Wet Day

I woke up this morning to overcast skies and torrential rains... It was pouring cats and dogs... It was really cold... And at that point of time, all I wished for was your warmth and comforting touch... Such days also remind me of the times when I stayed over and you would hug me tight and wrap me up in your comforter when I'm cold... I miss those times... I really wish for you to be here with me... I guess time will never heal this emotional wound... Neither will it ease the pain it brings... There are so many things which I wished I could do... But I just don't have the ability or power to accomplish it.

Anyway, I went to wash up and get ready for work... Had to get to work on my own today... So I left the house at about 0845hrs... But because of the rain, it took me a much longer time to walk out... So that meant that I missed my bus... Caught the 0915hrs one... It took me about half an hour to get to the bus stop along Hougang... On a normal day, it would only take about 15minutes... Well this was because there was a massive jam from my place to the Buangkok junction... So anyway, I had to wait for 151 again... So by time I reached work, it was already 1030hrs... Took me an hour and a half to get to work... It's usually half that time... Sigh...

Work today was the same... Doing up the accounts and all that... Still not done with the accounts payable (purchases and other expenses related to the projects they do)... Only at June now... So I still have another 3 more months worth of spending that needs to be done... Well, I break-ed for lunch half way... Colin's brother brought us to eat 猪什汤 at this hawker centre at Aljunied Crescent... It was not bad... Not too peppery... And the chilli's not bad... So when you come back, I'll bring you there OK? So that's another to our list of things to do... Which now brings the count to 12 things to do when you get home... After lunch, I went back to office and got back to the accounts again...

I left office at about 1800hrs... I went to meet my friend at Dhoby Ghaut to pass her my notes and then headed down to Bugis to collect your surprise... Well I hope you'll like it and you'll make good use of it... I'm not going to tell you what it is (because it's a surprise... DUH!!!) but if you're good at taking hints, you're very likely to guess what it is... So you have a good 12 weeks to go figure it out... So ya... Have fun guessing... 'Cause even if you get it right, I wouldn't tell you if it's correct or wrong... Haha!!! So after collecting your surprise, I walked over to Suntec to catch the bus... That's when you called... It was really great hearing your voice... It's the only thing I have left to hold on to... We haven't seen or held each other for 27 days now... Not even in pictures... So I guess the phone calls is the only thing I have left to look forward to...

So anyway, I reached home at about 2115hrs... Went to wash up and then came online to do some stuff... And at the same time, clear out my emails and blog... So here I am now... Well you called me almost an hour ago... And you've probably just finished your dinner... I hope you'll call back again... At least to tuck me into bed... Sigh... It's so difficult having this kind of a relationship... Please please promise me that you'll never ever ever do this to me again? Anyway, it's getting late... And I think I should get on with my other things... So I'll continue again tomorrow... I love you baby!!! I miss you heaps and heaps and heaps!!!!!!
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P.S: Exactly one year ago at this exact time, you received your very first card from me... I hope you remember what it said...

Day 26 of OBO... Just Another Day...

Today's Day 26 (yesterday actually)... Didn't have much time today... Woke up this morning when you called... So that made the start of today a rather good one... So anyway, I went to wash up... And left the house at about 0850... Caught the 0900hrs bus... So managed to reach work at about 0950hrs... Not too bad...

Work today was the same... Entering accounts and all that... For some reason, I wasn't hungry at all... Maybe because I had 2 肉包s this morning... Oh well... So anyway, I did the accounts... Finished the accounts receivables... So got started on the accounts payable... Super tedious... After half the day of entering the data, I only stopped at mid March... Sigh... Got a long long way more to go... Sigh... Oh well... So anyway, got to talk to you for a while this afternoon... So if kinda brightened things up a little...

I left the office at about 1930hrs... Colin dropped me along Upper Serangoon Road so I could take the bus to music... He was on his way to dinner with his parents... It's his birthday today, you see... Didn't do much at music either... Had to do composing... But I managed to finish it up... So that's not too bad... Reached home at about 2230hrs... Then got down to helping 妹妹 with her reflection journal... And was also helping Andy plan for her birthday at the same time... Well after 妹妹 finished her stuff, she asked Andy to log off... So he asked me to call his hp... So we discussed 妹妹's birthday surprise... Then he told me that 妹妹 wants to sign on with the Navy... Just like you... And Andy's asking me to talk her out of it... But I guess you being in the Navy and her 哥哥, you should talk to her about the pros and cons... You would know best... Do send her an email at least OK?

So that was basically my day... Nothing of great interest... And it's getting late already... So I think I should hit the sack now... So good night... Sleep tight... And don't let the bed bugs bite... And I love you darling... And I miss you lots!!!!!

Day 25 of OBO... Mid-Autumn Festival

It's day 25... And it's also 中秋节 (aka Mid-Autumn Festival aka Lantern Festival) today... It's such a shame that you're there and I'm here... And we can't celebrate it together... Sigh... But the moon isn't that great anyway... It's not totally round... A bit of the corner got cut off... Or at least that's what it seems to me... But it still is rather bright... But apart from that, today was no different from any other ordinary day...

Woke up this morning at about 0900hrs... Went to wash up and waited for Colin... He didn't come till 1100hrs... So I just played my PSP and read my book while waiting... Nothing much really... Reached office at about 1115hrs or so... Didn't do much again... Same old stuff... Settling the accounts and stuff... But at least I managed to finish all the accounts receivables (sales) today... So that's not so bad... Tomorrow's yet another tedious day... Might start on the accounts payable (all the purchases and bills etc)... So at least can see what needs to be paid and all that... It's probably going to take me another week or two to complete that... So once that's done, expenses will be next... Probably another week to complete that... So I guess by mid October, the bulk of the work will be done... And that also means half of your mission will also be done... Yeah!!! And even though I'm busy now, I still find that time passes really slowly... Or maybe I'm just getting really good at it and I'm much faster than I thought I would be... But then again, just when I'm about done with the accounts for the year up till now, another ship load of stock will be coming in... So that's more accounting to be done... So it starts all over again... And I'm anticipating a stock take... So that's probably going to take up the rest of October and maybe even into November... So I guess I'll never be free of accounts proper till end November...

So anyway, in between all that accounting, I had some time to go look at the chalet stuff... Well I wasn't able to retrieve your password... Was logged into your email the whole of today... But nothing came in... So I'm thinking it either went to your office email or to your now closed PacNet email account... So anyway, I called them up... So hopefully I can get a response from them asap... Then can book the chalet... And I've also emailed you something... Please go and read it OK... I know you're not angry ('cause I just told you briefly what it was all about over the phone not too long ago)... But there's something else in it that I said... I don't know if it'll scare you or make you feel comforted... But I guess it's something I want you to know...

So anyway, after work, I went for my bible class... Today was the last day of the Book of Exodus... Then next week we'll be starting the Book of Leviticus... And I think 4weeks later, the Book of Numbers... And when all of that finishes, it'll be a week before I leave for my mission trip... Which also means that it'll be 4weeks before you come home... I hope from now on time passes really quickly... Sigh...

Anyway, that somewhat sums up my day... Nothing really interesting... So that's that... Anyway, I'm waiting for you to call back again... So hopefully it'll be before you start your watch... Anyway, I'm going to do a bit of reading... And a bit of menu planning... So at least I'd have time to perfect the dishes before you come back... Yup... I'll email the menu to you once I've more or less finalised it OK? So... I love you baby!!! And I miss you heaps!!!! Can't wait anymore for your homecoming... Too much excitement and anticipation already...
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P.S: I didn't use any 'so ya's in today's entry... It's really difficult, especially when it's part of my speech... Oh and BTW darling, 中秋节快乐... I know you don't have moon cakes there... So I'll bake some for you when you get home OK? No lotus paste right? BTW, do you eat the snow skin ones? Remember to answer these questions in your email OK? *muack muack* *hug hug*

Day 24 of OBO... You made my day!!!

It's a Monday... It's kinda weird, but I actually look forward to the start of the week... Maybe it's because I'll be occupied for a good part of the day and that means less time to entertain my emotional self... Or maybe it means another week has gone and it's one more day closer to your coming home... Or maybe it's both... Oh well...

Anyway, I woke up at about 0900hrs this morning... It was raining... Again... Yup... Anyway, I went to wash up and wait for Colin... So ya... While waiting, I played the piano... It's been a long time since I've played it... So ya... Anyway, he came at about 1000hrs and off we went to work...

We reached the office at about 1015hrs - 1030hrs... Really bad jam on the roads... Probably because of the rain... So ya... Anyway, I had to do the accounts today... So ya... Took me a whole day to enter invoices and I'm still not done... So ya... It's super tedious... So hearing from you at about 1430hrs (that's 0930hrs your time) was really wonderful... It really gave me a bit of a boost... So ya... Skipped lunch... Didn't feel like eating I guess... So ya... Then carried on with the accounts till about 1900hrs... That's when you called...

I was really touched by what you did... It's these little gestures that you do which make it a bit easier to cope with the separation... But at the same time, it makes me miss you even more... And it really takes a lot of effort to say 'I miss you' without tearing... 'Cause I really do miss you a lot and it really hurts... The logical, thinking me is normal... But the emotional me still cannot get over this period of separation... I know it's almost been a month... But I'm still not used to it... They say time heals... But I guess I've proven that wrong... Or at least it's not happening for me... But really, that phone call really really made my day a whole lot better...

So anyway, I went for music after work... Did my theory... As usual 'cause the exam's in about 4weeks time... So cannot waste time already... So ya... Stayed at my teacher's place till about 2215hrs... I got home and I showered and here I am, online... So ya...

That's pretty much my day... I really do hope that you'll write me an email about what's going with you over on your side... We don't really get to talk a lot... And I'm really scared that over time, we'd start getting distant because of the lack of communication... I'm just scared we'd lose what we had because of this... So ya... Anyway, I think I should go to bed now... It's getting late... And I'm having a really bad headache... So anyway, I love you baby! And I miss you lots! Please do take care... Especially that finger of yours... My finger's much better now... But the bruise on my leg's gotten blacker... So ya... Hopefully it goes... Anyway, good night, my Love... I'll be thinking of you... Will always be...

Day 23 of OBO... Coincidences...

Today was a rather slow day... It's only 2145hrs now... But it just feels like it's 2300hrs or midnight already... Sigh... Anyway, I woke up today 'cause of a really bad thunderstorm this morning... I just wished you were here to just cuddle me... You know what I'm like during such things right? Well that was about 0945hrs... Went to bathe and got ready to go out... Was having lunch with Nicholas... You know... Sallie's (your investment agent...) colleague... The dude we met the other day at Tanjong Pagar? Remember? Yup... So anyway, I waited for the rain to stop before I left my place... That was about 1100hrs... So ya...

Well, we met up and went to this Jap hangout... It's really very cosy... So here's another to my list of things to do when you get back... Go to the Jap hangout I went today... I had a beef steak don... And it was really good... And service's there not bad too... Plus the prices are quite reasonable... So ya... Well we chatted about everything... BTW Nick sends his regards... We also talked about what to do and all that... So ya... We also discussed what we wanted to do and stuff like that... So I shared some plans with him... Will tell you more about it later when you call... So ya... So we were there till about 1630hrs... So ya...

I took the train home... Was quite packed... But managed to get a seat at Novena Station... So it wasn't too bad... So ya... I reached home and I started on your project proper... Doing the layout, planning what to include and what not to and all that... So ya... Finished that at about 1945hrs... Then sorted out the magazines with articles on the Iraqi war for you so that you can read them when you get back... I'll leave them on your table when I go to your place next OK? So ya... Didn't feel like having dinner... Don't know why... The feeling from three weeks ago is back again... Well as of today, there's 12 weeks left... So at least that means almost a quarter of the mission's over... It sounds fast... But it feels really slow...

Anyway, after I was done with the arrangement and all that, I went down to see what was for dinner... Still nothing much to stimulate my appetite... It's like I eat a lot on Saturdays, but by Sunday evening, I just don't feel like eating at all... Sigh... Today's maybe 'cause I had a really heavy lunch... I hope that's the case... Anyway, I sat in front of the TV for a while... They were showing The Bourne Identity... It just reminded me of that day when we watched the trilogy... And obviously, it made me miss you a lot more... So ya... I started getting restless and so I decided to wash up...

When I was washing up, I was just thinking about us... And I just remembered a few things... Yesterday marked the 1st year when I became your 'girlfriend'... You remember the episode after clubbing at Butter Factory with the Navy dudes? Well if you forgot, you can read it in my archives under 'September 2006 - What the hell'... And today is exactly 1 year since we went on our first date... You remember the cookies? And Junction 8? And meeting up Tham at Dome and then going to Mr Bean to watch the EPL? Yup... And tomorrow will be 1 year since I first met Jie Jie and Kevin and Kait Kait and Maryann and the rest of our gang... Well if you've forgotten, here's the picture to remind you... That was the first picture we ever took... So remember now? :)

And there was one more thing I realised while showering... RSS Persistence is L209 correct? If you were to put 209 into a date format (leave the year out), you'll get 2/09 or 2nd of September... Does this date ring a bell? Well if it doesn't... Remember the first time we met with Alfred at the coffee shop at your place? On a Saturday night? The first time when you heard that I was thinking of signing on in the Civil Service? Remember? Well I hope you do (for me it was easy to remember 'cause that was the opening day of the Air Force open house and I happened to be there that morning... And I got really burnt... And I was kinda attracted to you the first time I saw you... I thought you were kinda cute... Hehez)... Well that date happens to be the 2nd of September or 2/09 or 209... Isn't it just so much of a coincidence?

Oh well... Give it some thought... It didn't occur to me till just now... And I know you must be thinking I'm probably mad or something 'cause I'm like drawing up this kind of links... So ya... Anyway, I think I'll get back to your project again... I'm getting really bored... And I'm waiting for you call... So ya... Anyway, I love you baby! And I miss you much more than you miss me! *Sticks out tongue*

Day 22 of OBO... Shit...

3 weeks have gone by... And another 13 remain... It seems like a long time since you left... But it only has been 22 days... Sigh... Time is passing so slowly again... Haiz...

Anyway, I (or we rather) didn't have the best start today at all... It just had to start the way it did... Sigh... It really sucks... My whole day was totally ruined... Honestly speaking, I was very pissed off and extremely hurt by what you said to me early this morning... I felt that all that was uncalled for... Maybe I was a bit too extreme... But what really shocked me most was the fact that you actually doubted the love I had for you! And I can't believe that you would actually talk about me breaking up with you! And when you said that everyone in the room was looking at you as if you were a bastard and you're damn annoyed by that, that was it for me... I was F-ing pissed off when you said that... You have absolutely no idea how much that angered me... Seriously... At that point of time, the only thing I could think about is 'So now saving your face matters more than anything else?!'... I doubt you have any idea about what happened after we got cut off... I just felt like pulling my hair out or just doing something to get all that anger and frustration and hurt out of me...

Anyway, I didn't have a good sleep... Even while sleeping I'm being tormented by images of you having to stay much longer than expected and all that... It F-ing hell sucks! I woke up this morning still burning with anger... That's when you called and apologised... But even then, you still think I'm obsessed with you and that is not love! What the hell! Haven't I already made this sacrifice to let you go and fulfil your goals? Haven't I been there for you, pushing you when you need pushing, encouraging you when you felt lost, standing by you in everything you do? Is it wrong to be concerned about the person who's most important to you? Is it wrong to worry about the person you love so much when he's in an undesirable situation? Is all that wrong? Why am I being penalised for caring and being concerned? Why? Anyway, we spoke (but I still don't think it's been sorted out properly) but got cut off half way... I thought you would call back... But you didn't... So anyway, I went to wash up... Had a really bad tummy ache after that... I just seem to be getting really bad tummy cramps in the mornings... And there seems to be a lot of trapped wind in me... Sigh...

Anyway, I went to the novena with Jillian this morning... For the past 3 weeks that I've been attending the novena, everything that is preached during the homily somehow just relates to everything that's happening there and then... The first week which I attended, I had a lot of things on my mind... First was you and then the next was my police offer... I didn't know whether to take it or not... Well the answer was very clear... The 1st sentence of the prayer which was said was asking God for help when making tough decisions, which was what I needed... Last week's was about being happy and contented with what you have... And today's was about changing... When I heard that, all I could think about was our argument... You may call it coincidence... I'd like to call it divine intervention... Well I believe that God speaks in different ways to us... We just need to 'surrender' ourselves to him so that we are able to hear what he has to say...

Anyway, after novena, we went for lunch... Had chicken rice at Square 2... It was quite normal... The chicken and the barley was good... But the chicken rice wasn't fantastic... It lacked ginger and sesame oil... Sat there till about 1245hrs before we headed to town... Nothing much there... The usual things... I wanted to go to the bear workshop at Suntec to check out their prices so that I can figure out how much I need to put aside to complete surprise No 2... So ya... After we got bored of Suntec, we walked over to Marina Square... Window shopped for a while before heading to Esplanade to catch a bus to church... I slept on the bus... When I reached church, I had a splitting headache (it's still here now... I'm just hoping it's not TSS)... But things still had to go on... So went for choir practice and then for mass... Commentated today... And it was like shit! Today really just isn't good for me at all!

After mass, I took a cab to Andy's birthday... Mei Mei, Jie Jie, Kevin, Maryann, Kait Kait and Theresa were there... Well we had dinner and the usual stuff... Then there was a piano there... You'd never believe the brand of the piano... The brand's 'Albert'... Then Kevin, being Kevin, started saying, 'Hey Becks, go play Albert, caress Albert, hit Albert's notes...' You get the picture... Yup... Well it's just so so coincidental... You can't be with us, but at the same time, you're here with us via a piano... Haha... Anyway, the party went on... And being a birthday, Andy got sabo-ed by being thrown into the pool by his friends... That's when you called... So ya... And that was about the time you called... So ya...

Well that was basically my horrible day... I just hope tomorrow will be better... And I hope you call soon... 'Cause there are things we need to sort out... So... I love you (even though you've hurt me really badly)... And I miss you lots!

Day 21 of OBO... Sigh...

It's the 21st day now... Time's passing not as fast as I wished it would... Everyday now seems to have less and less interesting things to do... Sigh... Well I woke up this morning at about 0800hrs... Lazed in bed till about 0830hrs... Then went to wash up after that... After washing up, I went down to make Complan again 'cause I wouldn't be having dinner... Tell you more later... Anyway, I left the house late... Missed 854 when I walked out and had to wait for about another 10-15minutes for the next one to come... So anyway, I got on the next one and had to wait for 151... That took some time... So by the time I reached office, it was already 1015hrs...

So anyway, I got to office, cleared out all the mail, and then got started onto QuickBooks... It was freaking tedious... And what's worse was I had to slowly find the model numbers of the various items and pray that they're correct... I also had to key in new items so that the correct inventory will be reflected... And I also had to make sure that there was no double counting... Extremely tedious... And it didn't help with an air con induced headache... Sigh... Oh well... Anyway, went to get lunch at about 1330hrs... That's when you called... Yup... And told me that you injured your right ring finger while repairing the air con... Sigh... And it's just so coincidental that my right ring finger is also injured... I've heard of such affinity between twins... Is it possible for it to happen between couples? Oh well... I guess... Anyway, I had laksa for lunch... And I know you're craving for it really badly too... Who ask you want to go... *sticks out tongue in a taunting manner*... 活该... But anyway, this one sucked... Still prefer the one at Bugis... Anyway, after lunch, I got back down to the accounts again... Did that until about 1645hrs... That's when Jarrod came over and then everyone at worked just stopped working... And they all left about 1730hrs... So anyway, I finished up what was left of the accounts and then surfed the net for a while then packed up and left at about 1840hrs...

So after I left the office, I went to buy the number you asked me to get before I went for music class... So ya... After buying, I went to wait for the bus to get to my music teacher's place... Duh... I missed it as I was walking out... But with the huge ass bruise on my thigh, I decided against running... Don't want to aggravate it even more... It already hurts as it is... Don't need anymore pain... Headache, tummy ache and leg pain enough already... Cannot tahan anymore... So I waited for the bus... It took forever to arrive... So anyway, I reached at around 2015hrs... Did my theory till about 2210hrs... Then got home and washed up and now I'm blogging... So ya...

That's pretty much what my day's like... So now waiting for your call... Don't know what's taking so long... It's almost midnight and you haven't called... I hope everything's alright... My speculation is that you've fallen asleep and have probably forgotten about me... And your next watch doesn't start till 8hrs time... Sigh... If that's the case, I'm very very very sad... But I still love you... So please call... Even though it's 0300hrs here... I'm always waiting for your calls... So anyway, I got to prepare for tomorrow... Leaving my place at about 0945hrs to go for novena... Long day ahead tomorrow... But that's still NOT an excuse for you not to call... 'Cause you know the consequences if your reason's not good enough... Anyway, I love you baby! And I miss you heaps and heaps higher than Mount Everest and deeper than the deepest ocean trench... Get the picture? So till then...

Day 20 of OBO... Finally!!!

It's the 20th day since you left!!! Finally... It's in the twenties now... At least it's going somewhere... In another 8 more days, a quarter of the mission will be over... You have no idea what it feels like for me, seriously... Anyway, today I woke up with a really really bad tummy... Had really bad tummy cramps... Then went to the toilet... Had diarrhoea... And lots of wind... Sigh... Well woke up at about 0800hrs this morning 'cause I had to go to work on my own... So had to leave by 0900hrs... Well I managed to... And you called me this morning... So that kinda made my day a little better...

So anyway, I took the bus to work... Reached at about 1000hrs... Then got down to the last bit of the accounts... Entered it all into the system, and by 1100hrs, I was done... So ya... Slacked till about 1300hrs... During that time, the pain intensified... Got really bad... So I took the Panadol Extra you bought last month... It didn't work fast enough... Made me really sleepy... But after a while, the pain went away... So it wasn't that bad... Then got down to Quick Books... Really really tedious... Plus all the stock was new to me... So took quite some time to figure things out... Still figuring it out... But not so bad la... Just need to get some things clarified... Then it's just getting myself familiarised with the different model numbers and all that... Then it should be much simpler... Well I need to get that done in the next week or so 'cause new stock will be coming in in October and September... And that's going to be even worse! 'Cause they're going to come in a hell lot at a time... So ya... Gotta get that cleared out first... Then at least when October and November comes, it won't be that bad... And at least I wouldn't have to worry when I go on MY mission trip (HA! It's MY turn to go on MISSION! Hahaz) in December... So ya... Well that pretty much sums up my day... Nothing really fantastic or note worthy...

So ya... Well I guess you're not going to call me till 0200hrs tomorrow morning 'cause you just started your watch about an hour and a half ago... So ya... Well I'm going to get down to your project now... Got your deadline to meet... Well I hope you'll keep it in good condition 'cause a lot of people's effort's going to go into this... So please keep it in a better condition than all that stuff in the box in your wardrobe... Anyway, I love you... And I miss you heaps!

P.S: Jose Mourinho's quit Chelsea as manager... Now Avram Grant's taken over... And Chelsea hasn't been performing great lately... So, Love, do you still want to watch the Chelsea home game when we're in the UK?

Day 19 of OBO... I miss you...

Today was rather boring... Didn't do much... Woke up at about 0900hrs... Went to wash up and all that... The usual morning routine... Well after washing up, I went downstairs to make myself Complan... 'Cause I wouldn't be having dinner 'cause I'd be going to music straight from work... So ya... Then while waiting for Colin, I read the newspapers... Nothing much in there... Sigh...

Anyway, went straight to work... Got in at about 1030hrs or so... So anyway, didn't do much in the morning except prepare an invoice an a letter and a bit of filing for the new stock that's coming in... Wrote checks out too... So ya... Nothing much really... After all that was done, I went surfing the net for info for our UK trip next march... I'm thinking of maybe staying for about 9days 8nights... Then hopefully we can catch the Chelsea home game... That would be really fun 'cause you would hardly get the chance to watch a premier league game at the stadium itself... See if the travel agents can work out a good and cheap free and easy package... Sigh... Must save even more!!!! Anyway after that, Colin can back with my lunch... Had to stay in 'cause we were expecting some dude to come in to drop off a cheque... So ya... Oh well... But anyway, after lunch (which was about 1530hrs or so) I didn't do much (so, quite obviously, I was thinking of you practically the whole day)... Just a bit of filing and double checking the records... So ya... So did that till about 1900hrs when we left the office...

Before going home, we dropped off some mooncakes at a client down the road... Then after that, Colin sent me to my music teacher's place... Didn't do much there either... Did a lot of theory... 'Cause my exam is coming... On the 3rd of November... So ya... Not prepared at all... Sigh... Oh well... Anyway, after that, my music teacher sent me home... Reached home at about 2230hrs... Then went to wash up... And just after I had placed my towel back on the rack, you called... So zhun...

Well, we spoke for about 15minutes... Well you have no idea how much I miss you... And I hope you know it does hurt... And sometimes, it just hurts even worse... It is really very unsettling... And there's so much uncertainty... I don't even know when you're going to call... Every time I want to call you and tell you something, I can't... I've got to wait for your call before I can do that... It's really very very frustrating... It's SO NOT like last time when I could call you... And even when you're busy, you'd still answer and tell me that you'll call me back... I hardly get any emails from you too... It'd be nice if you could just drop me an email telling me about what's up with you so far... I know it's easier to call... But there's always a time limit... There really is NO PROPER conversation... We just can't seem to have anymore heart to heart talks... All those idiots at the psych unit can say its not easy maintaining a long-d relationship and they can tell you what to do on paper... But have they ever been in it? Obviously not! It can be plainly seen from the fact that what ever they write has no emotion and empathy at all... They only know what goes on on paper... But when it comes to the real thing, they know jack shit! So that is really just bullshit! Let's see what they'd do when they are the ones who has to go through this SHIT! Haiz...

I've had enough of this rubbish... Will someone just do something about this screwed up system? Some scholar who is street smart? We don't need Frankensteins to lead us... We need HUMANS!!! People who have both brains and heart... Paper talk is NOT enough! That's the problem with our system... There is absolutely no heart at all!

Oh well... I've got to go... My tummy's killing me... Got to find some medication or some oil to ease the pain... So good night... Sleep tight... And I love you baby... Even though I'm still damn pissed at you going... I miss you lots!

Day 18 of OBO... Crippled!!!!!

Today's yet another day without you... Well that's what it was supposed to be when I woke up... Well I woke up at 0900hrs.... Was really glad to speak with you and Kor Kor last night (this morning actually... 'Cause you boys called at 0245hrs)... It's really comforting hearing familiar voices... Especially when they're people you're really close to... Anyway, so I woke up and went to wash up and all that... The usual morning routine... Waited for Colin to come pick me up... He overslept... So he reached only at about 1040... So I was reading the book Kevin lent me while waiting for him...

So anyway, he came eventually and we headed to office... That was when my day turned HORRIBLE... Well I wriggled my way out of the car and closed the door and proceeded to the back door to help Colin get the mooncakes for the clients out... Just as I walked to the door, I fell into the drain! It was supposed to be covered... But that part there was missing! So darn SWAY!!!!!! So I got stuck in a really awkward position and I just couldn't get myself up! I had my right leg diagonally caught between two drain covers and my left leg was like on top of the left drain cover... And my right ring finger hit the right cover... So basically the lower part of my right thigh and my left finger is really badly bruised now (Look at the thin black circle in the pictures... That's where the bruises are... They don't look that bad there... But it's worse here... So ya)... Sigh... Damn pain la... Walk also pain sia... Got difficult la... Sigh...

Anyway, there was nothing much to do today in the office... Updated all the accounts and also wrote a couple of invoices... So ya... Quite a relaxed day... Anyway, stayed in office till about 1800hrs... Then went for bible class... Was alright... Apart from the pain from the bruise in my leg, everything else was OK la... Came straight home after class... Then went to wash up... And after that, logged on... And here I am blogging... So ya...

That's pretty much my day... Horrible start... And that was all it took to ruin the rest of it... Sigh... Oh well... Shit happens... Anyway, I just hung up with you... And found out that you got a bruise too... You don't have to bruise yourself 'cause I'm all blue black you know... If you feel bad that you can't do anything to ease my pain and that's why you knocked yourself into the door, well you could always come home you know (pun intended)... So ya... Anyway, I'm going to hit the sack now... Another long day ahead of me tomorrow... So I love you darling... Miss you lots and lots... And please take care of yourself and your bruise...

Day 17 of OBO... Irritable!

It's been 17 days since you left... And there's another 96 days remaining... And I also just got back my music practical results... I scored 96 out of 150... FAILED BY 4 FREAKING MARKS!!!!!!!!! So frustrating!!!!!! ARGH!!!!! What's with the number 96 sia? Haiz...

Anyway, today was a rather sunny day... Woke up at 0845hrs... Was quite wide awake in spite of sleeping at about 0145hrs this morning... Well I guess it's kinda like routine now... Sigh... So anyway, Colin picked me up at about 0930 or so... Went to the bank to drop off some cheques and then went to the post office to collect the mail from the PO box and then we headed down to the office... So ya... Didn't do much... Just sorted out the accounts and tabulated all of it... Took me about 4hrs to complete it all... So finally the accounts are in order... For real this time... Well we went out to lunch at about 1400hrs... Had Bak Kut Teh at Joo Chiat... It's not bad... Not as peppery as the one at Balestier... So when you come back, I'll bring you there OK? So many things to do when you come home... I'll talk about that later... Anyway, after lunch, we went back to office... That was about 1600hrs... Sorted out the emails and all that and then at about 1700hrs, Colin and I went out to get mooncakes for the clients and then went to sign a contract... That took about 3hrs... Went back to office at about 2000hrs then went for music... Did my theory... But was mental exhausted to think... Sigh... And of course my results didn't help... HAIZ... So disappointing...

Anyway, I said I'll talk about the things we'd have to do when you get home right? Well, here's the list...

1. You've got to try my butter and chilli crabs... I just learnt the recipes... So I'm going to try cooking it first and then see where to improve... So I hope it'll be perfected by the time you get home...
2. I've got to take my graduation photos... And it would be lovely if you would take it with me... That means you HAVE to take with me... Wahahaha... Prelude to wedding photos? Hmmm... I wonder...
3. You've got to try the Bak Kut Teh I had today...
4. We've got to complete Cold Case Season 4 and Monk Season 6 and Ugly Betty Season 2 and House Season 5 (I think) and I'm going to introduce you to Grey's Anatomy...
5. We've got to watch all the movies that have just been and will be released in the coming months...
6. You've got to follow me to meet the rest of my aunties and uncles and cousins 'cause they've been asking about you...
7. Follow me to Novena Church one Saturday... You said you would... So it's not good to go back on your word...
8. Save up for our UK trip next March... I'm hoping we can fly in a bit earlier so that we can catch Chelsea play at home... That's your favourite team right? Well that match is on the 8th of March... 2 Days before my convocation... So ya... Save OK? At least $3000... I'll cover my own expenses... So you don't have to worry about me...
9. Spend Christmas and New Year's Eve together... On Christmas Eve, the choir I'm in will be putting up a short musical before mass... It'll be nice if you could come and see us perform... And if you're comfortable, you're most welcomed to stay for the mass... It'll be a different experience for you...
10. MOST IMPORTANTLY, we've got to celebrate our 2 months overdue 1st year anniversary... BTW I'm still feeling very very sore that we can't celebrate this occasion in October and my birthday because you're there and I'm here!

So ya... Here's the list for now... Don't worry, more will be added on to this existing one in time to come... So start anticipating it... And I'll constantly remind you... So you can try forgetting... But I'll remember... So no use... :P...

Anyway, that's it for today... I think that's enough for you to slowly ponder and digest... Wahaha... Anyway, I love you darling!!!! And I miss you heaps and heaps!!!! Do take care... And even if you don't believe it, PRAY... It helps in a lot of things...

Day 16 of OBO... A rainy day

Woke up this morning at about 0930hrs... It was raining cats and dogs... Well I had to wake up early to go to your place to collect your bills... So ya... Anyway, I then went to wash up and at the same time conceptualise how to do your Iraq war research thingy... So anyway, I waited for the rain to stop before I left my place...

It finally stopped at about 1010hrs... So I walked out to catch the bus... Reached your place at about 1100hrs... Baby was so so thrilled to see me... So anyway, went to collect your mail and chatted for a while with Mei Mei and Andy... Stayed till about 1200hrs before I left to pay your bills and come home for lunch... After lunch, I started a bit on the scrap book... Well according to my time line, I'm kinda behind schedule with it... So I'm hoping it won't be rushed and it'll turn out good... Guess I've gotta start working on it on weekday evenings too... So ya... Anyway, after that, I took a short nap before meeting Jie Jie, Mei Mei and Andy at Citimac Building... Went there shopping for cheap branded stuff... So ya... Well the things there were OK la... Not really my kinda taste... Jie and Mei bought quite a bit of clothing... After that, we headed to Wing Tai Building for the G2000 warehouse sale... I bought a Khaki-coloured dress... It used to be going for $69... I got it for $29... And it was the last piece... So ya... I'll wear it on the day you come home kayz... So you'll get to see how I look in it... :)... Well, that was about the time you called... So ya...

After that, we went to Jie's place for dinner... Theresa cooked really yummy baked pasta... And Jie Jie made longan almond jelly... And we had the YUMMIEST mooncakes every... Shiok la!!! So craving for home cooked food now? Haha... Well then COME HOME NOW if you are!!!!! And for the record, MY COOKING IS A THOUSAND TIMES BETTER THAN THE ONE ON SHIP!!!! HAHA!!! So if you think that's good... Wait till you have mine!!! Wahahaha...Anyway, after that, Jie Jie started clearing out her wardrobe and we had our own mini fashion show... LOL... She gave me quite a bit of clothes that she's out-grown... And she also gave me the gown she bought for her Australian wedding but didn't use... I'll wear it for Christmas kayz... Hehe... So anyway, that saved me a lot of shopping for new stuff... After the clear out, we were looking at photos... Jie's wedding photos, your photos (yes... The ones you took in Australia too... Even with you know who in it... BUT our pictures are SO SO much better than those... Simply because there was much much much more chemistry!!!! And of course, I'm more photogenic... Hahaz... BHB... Hahaz... :D) etc... Well time really flew while we were there... We left Jie's place at about 2315hrs... So yup...

When I reached home, I went to wash up and then consolidated yours and my accounts... Both not looking too good... And that Comfort Delgro still owes me my paycheck!!! *POUT*... Anyway, I've sent you an email... So please read it... More of it's elaborated there... It's URGENT!!!!!! So ya... That's basically my day... Gotta get a bit of shut-eye before you call... I don't wanna fall asleep when you call moi... Hehez... So anyway, I love you baby... And I miss you heaps and heaps... And I want you home soon... There's so much to do when you're back... So come back fast OK?

Day 15 of OBO... Start of the 3rd week...

It's day 15 now... Time this week passed a bit faster than the previous week... So I guess that's good... Maybe because I'm starting to feel the strain on my body due to coming home at like 2215hrs earliest every day (except yesterday... It was the 1st time this week I reached home before 2000hrs)... Well I don't mind it... But I think I'm starting to feel the tiredness catching up on me... And I'm starting to get really bad body aches... So it's either I'm not sitting correctly and putting too much strain on my back; or that time of the month's coming; or I'm falling sick; or I'm... Hmmm... Don't want to think of the last one... Hopefully it's not it... But I'm enjoying this fatigue... Quite ironically actually...

Well today I woke up at about 0820hrs... Not too bad... At least I didn't wake up with a nightmare like yesterday... Well went to sleep at about 0130hrs (GMT +8)... Nap actually... I was waiting for your call... So I figured I'll catch some shut-eye before you call... So I'll be wide awake when you call... Anyway, I woke up and then went to bathe... Left the house at about 0945hrs to meet Jillian at Novena to go for the 11am novena session... Lol... Well I was lucky 'cause I missed the rain... But when I reached Novena station, it was pouring cats and dogs... It was like that for a good 45minutes... So anyway, we braved the winds and the rain to get to church... Prayed for your safety, us and our relationship, that we may grow and be strengthened as a couple and that what we have will last... Forever and ever... It's not just in the fairy tales you know... It happens in real life too... But it takes a lot of time and effort and sacrifice... So anyway, after novena, we took a bus down to Bugis for lunch... After lunch, we walked across to Bugis Junction to walk walk look see... Well I got a surprise for you... Will be collecting it in about 2 weeks times... So I hope you like it... After that, we went to Bras Basar Complex to get the stuff for your project to me... Then went to Raffles City after that to sit down... Then we caught a bus to church... That's when you called...

So anyway, we reached church... Had the usual choir practice... And then went for mass... Well I guess I've gotten one weekend in October filled 'cause there are 2 masses that we need to sing for during that weekend... And the rest of October and November would be filled with mission preparations... So that's good... Gonna be BUSY BUSY BUSY... And that's VERY GOOD... Then at least time will fly past... But I guess I should also get down to studying for my Grade 8 theory paper now... That's the first Saturday in November... So now must get over all the heartache and emotional distress (although it still hurts 'cause I love you and because of that, I miss you) and concentrate on my paper... Then after that, it'll be three weeks to MY MISSION... Hahaz... And the day I get back touch down in Singapore, you would have just started on your return... HAHAZ!!!!! I'm so x1,000,000,000,000,000,000 excited about your return... I can't wait... SO EXCITING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway, after mass, I went to meet Raymond... He was really sweet... He asked about you and how you were doing... And he also reassured me of your safety... We had quite a good chat... Enjoyed talking to him... Interesting dude... Easy to talk to too... So ya... Well we hung out till about 2210hrs (GMT +8) when we headed home... Caught the bus immediately... So I reached home at about 2235hrs... That was really fast... The bus ride was like 15-20minutes only... So that's good... So I went to wash up and then you called... So ya... Well you've probably just left the ship to go out shop... I hope you spend your money prudently... You're my darling big boy so I know you know how to control your spending... Anyway, I've emailed you the stuff you've asked for... And don't forget to update me on your statements OK? So at least I can reconcile it with the worksheet I have here... Don't worry... I'll help you keep track of your cash flow... And please try not to sign where possible 'cause the bank rates ain't fantastic... And whenever you feel the urge to buy something, remember to multiply the price by 4 if it's in Bahraini Dinars, by 1.5 if it's in USD, by 0.5 is it's in Qatar Rial and Saudi Riyal OK? And then compare it to prices back home and then make a decision OK... Don't forget your objective... Always keep it in sight alright, my love... Temptation is always there... But you must have the willpower to RESIST!!! I know you can, Love... I have faith in you... So ya...

Anyway, I'll be going to your place tomorrow to collect and consolidate all your bills for this month... Then maybe in the afternoon might meet Chris for tea or something... Then will be going to 姐姐's place in the evening... So that's basically my programme for tomorrow... But don't worry... I won't be tired... And I won't be sleeping so early... So ya... So do call me when you get back OK... It helps me sleep better when I know that you're safe, back on the ship... So ya... Anyway, I love you darling... Miss you heaps!!!!

Day 14 of OBO... What a number...

Today's the 14th of September 2007... It's finally a two-digit number till you're home... And it's the 14th day since you left... And it's also 14 weeks till you come back... And when you're home, we'll be celebrating our 14th month together... What a number... I just can't wait for you to come home... I've got a surprise for you... And I'm thinking of something else too... And I just can't wait to give it/them to you... I can't wait to see your reaction...

Anyway, today was rather alright... Reached work at about 10plus... Then learnt how to use the accounting software... After that, I was left with doing the accounts for the whole day... Like yesterday and the day before, I was left alone in the office after lunch... Didn't go out to get lunch 'cause I didn't wanna get caught in the rain... So skipped lunch... But I was snacking throughout... So that prevented the onset of gastric... But at the same time, it's not good 'cause I'll grow fat in no time... So ya... Finished up all the shipping stuff... Left with the accounts payable stuff to sort and key it into the system... And it rained today... There were many accidents on the roads... Or at least that's what Class 95 was reporting... There was a massive jam on the PIE because of an accident that occupied 2 lanes... Well I was in the office freezing my guts out... I think it's much much colder than what you're experiencing right now darling... My hands literally freeze and even after I reach home, I'm still freezing... Oh well... So anyway, I left at about 1830hrs... Took a bus home... 854 was freaking crowded la... Well actually not really... It seemed that way 'cause some inconsiderate fool decided not to move to the back of the bus... But anyway, I still had to stand all the way home...

Didn't do much when I got home... Had dinner... Then came up to make your 11th month gift... It's nothing really fantastic... But I hope it'll mean something to you and I really hope it'll bring back memories and that you'll like it... And I hope you'll receive it immediately after your next sailing... I pray it arrives on time... And when you get it, do find some scotch tape or blue tack so u can mount it kayz... So ya... Anyway, I was looking through at the holiday stuff today... They're all way way out of our budget...Well, not unless I strike 4D or something la... 2 to go on a cruise is already like $1100 onwards... Then to chill out in a resort or a hotel or something is already $520 onwards (and that excludes taxes)... Sigh... Singapore is getting too expensive... So I was thinking, we could either spend a day at a spa and R&R or book a chalet on Sentosa for the weekend and spend it there... Or we can chill out at home and continue with our series marathons... What say you? If you choose stay home and go on the marathon, I'll have something up my sleeves... But you must promise me you'll play along kayz... I'll promise you that it won't be embarrassing... That one I can assure you... So ya... Will be waiting for you to come home... To surprise you!!!!!

Anyway, I need to get my stuff ready for tomorrow... Commentating at mass tomorrow... I'm waiting for your call... SO PLEASE CALL BACK!!!! I love you darling... Miss you lots... *Muackz* *Hugz*

Day 13 of OBO... Haiz...

I woke up today with a really really bad tummy... Actually, it's been hurting since last night... There was like a lot of wind in it... So I put you yi you before I went to bed but it didn't help... I guess it wasn't warm enough... This morning I woke up with that same pain there... I kept going to the toilet but nothing came out... It was really bad... Don't know what's wrong with me... So anyway, after a while, I decided to go back to sleep for about another 30minutes... As I lay down, I could feel my abdominal area pulsating... It was like as thought there was another heart there... But at the same time, it was also cramping up... So I don't know if it's muscle spasms or what... Anyway, after a while, I started to feel a really sharp pain... So I ran to the toilet and everything else is history... It felt a bit better after that...

So anyway, I got up and got ready for work... Waited for Colin till about 1035hrs... I reached work at about 1100hrs and then got down to finishing up the accounts... From lunch onwards I was alone in the office... Music was playing... I've found a new favourite... It's Corrinne May's 'Side of Me'... Really meaningful song... Especially the chorus... If you have time, do go to her website and listen to it... Well I was doing the accounts the whole day... Really tedious process... I also learnt how to draw technical drawings today... Learnt how to draw the way the sound systems need to be arranged for the architect to fix it up... It's quite challenging(finally) 'cause it's something very very new to me... But it was interesting all the same... Not too difficult... Just a matter of getting used to it... Well that was basically my day at work...

After work, I went to meet up with Marie, Shu Xian and Grace for dinner... Grace reached first and then I met her... I thought I was late but Marie and Shu were later... So we didn't get down to dinner till about 2000hrs... We went to TCC for dinner... I had a beef sandwich... So we ate and talked and all that... We sat there till about 2130hrs before we headed home...

So ya... That was basically my day... Nothing much really... Well I just hung up the phone with you but you said you'll call back... So I'm going to wait till you call... So till then...

Day 12 of OBO... I'm human too you know...

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I just finished washing up... Got back like 15minutes ago... Super exhausted... I'm starting to feel the effects of everything... I don't seem to care anymore about you going... But at the same time, it still hurts... Maybe it's just PMS or something... I don't know la... Don't get me wrong here... It's not that I don't love you anymore or I have loved you less... It's just that I don't seem to be getting used to this arrangement... I don't know if I'll ever be... It's not that I don't want to get used to it... It's just hard to let go when the person you love so much just leaves like that... I guess this is my cross to bear...

Anyway, today was really nothing much to do... Went to office and set up my computer... Yup, I just got my workstation today... Finally my own... Anyway, that was a good half of the day... After lunch, I got down to the accounts proper... Verified that everything was entered correctly into Excel and became the 'loan shark' of the company... After that, I had nothing to do... That's when you called... Well I'm just glad that you're safe... Anyway, I hung around till about 1830hrs (GMT+8) before leaving for music... Was feeling rather down... Don't know if it's because of our conversation or whether it's just me feeling cold and feverish... Well I went for music... Did my theory... And my music teacher also asked me if I ever thought about teaching music... Well she said that if I thought about that, she's looking for teachers... And she also said that she'll teach me the teaching diploma... So ya... I'm considering it... But got to discuss with Mum, Dad, and you too (you're an important part of my life too you know)... So ya... Oh well... After music, I headed home... Mum said to take a cab... So I reached home at about 2230... Went to wash up and then came to sit at my desk to write this... So ya... That's basically my day... Nothing interesting...

Oh well... Anyway, I'm waiting for your call... So I do hope you'll call... I love you baby! I miss you lots!

Day 11 of OBO... The cause of your going...

It's such a coincidence that today 9/11 is the 11th day you're out at sea... Well 6 years ago, the USA fell victim to terrorism. Initially, they just went to destroy terrorist networks in Afghanistan... Now, 6 years on, they've made a mess of the whole world... Not only did they allow terrorist cells to sprout all over the world, they've also killed Iraq... And because of that, we have to suffer... Although indirect, we still feel the pinch... That's the reason why you're there now... Why do we have to pay the price of one man's mistakes? This totally and utterly sucks... Haiz...

Anyway, I'm alone in office now... Just finished doing up the accounts on Excel... Got to transfer them onto the accounting software later... Not challenging... Just very very very tedious... Haiz... And thing is you just can't copy and paste... So annoying... Haiz... And I've got like another 3hrs more before I finish work... Sigh... Oh well... Then I've got bible class later tonight... Sigh... Anyway, I better get back to work now... I'm waiting for your call my love...

I love you! I miss you! I'm waiting for you!
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I just got home from work and bible class... Waiting for your call before I go to bed... You're due to start your watch in about 1hr10min time... So I do hope you call back before that... Haiz... I wish I can call you... I hope that'll be the case from tomorrow till Friday when you finally reach land... Haiz... This wait is killing me...

Anyway, after you hung up this afternoon, I called the SPF to tell them that I'm withdrawing my application (I know this comes as a shock to many)... Frances was really really nice about it... Initially when she answered and I said it was me, she was so excited... She was like, "A, Rebecca! Congratulations!" Then I told her the story... Of course she was a bit sad initially, but after I explained it to her, she was really supportive about it... And then we started talking about religion and all that... She's so so very very sweet... She's the kind of cop we all learn about... Well according to her, I was one of only three people who made it through the interview round that day... So that means I must have impressed... But I guess God has other plans for me... Maybe he wants me to really see the real world before I start my career... Maybe he wants me to discover something that's been hidden all the time... I don't know...

So that was that... I went for bible class after work... It was quite alright... Wasn't paying attention though... I was thinking only about you and what we're gonna do when you come home... That's all I could concentrate on... Sigh... I wish it for be tomorrow... But then again, I know that day will not come till 102 days later... 2 weeks have almost gone by... But there still is 14 weeks left to go... Sigh... So near yet so far... So fast yet so slow... Haiz... The only consolation is that everyday that passes means everyday closer to your return? I'm counting down... Are you?

Anyway, that's all for today... I'll be waiting for your call... Meanwhile, I need to get down to accounting for my own finances... Just to make sure that I have enough...

I love you darling... And it grows as each day passes... I miss you lots... And this intensifies as each day goes on... And I'll always wait for you... And the anticipation of your return heightens as a new day breaks...

Day 10 of OBO... Finally 2 digits...

Well, it's finally been a 2-digit number of days since you left... That means you're coming home soon... Well I just got home from work and music class... Waiting for your call now...

Well, today was a rather cold day... Woke up to dark skies and heavy rains... Haiz... It just reminds me of the times when we would cover ourselves up with your comforter and you would cuddle me to keep me warm... I just wished for that this morning... I miss snuggling under the same comforter... I miss your cuddles and your warmth... I miss you darling...

Well I woke up a full hour before I was supposed to wake... So anyway, I continued with the research you tasked me with... Read up all the magazines to find articles about the war... Found lots of things about the war... I'll only put the ones that are related to your going for OBO into the compilation... But I'll pass you the rest of the magazines too so that you can also read up more about what's happening in the whole of Iraq... It'll be stale news 'cause that was from 2004... Well kinda like history for you... But I guarantee you one thing... Your English will improve greatly after reading all the articles... And your vocab might even be larger than mine... So anyway, after that, I went to wash up and wait for Colin to pick me up for work...

Work today was alright... Nothing much to do... In the morning, we went to SJC (my secondary school) because they were bidding for a project... It felt so nostalgic just standing in the premises... So anyway, we waited outside the office for our colleague to come... While waiting, I saw the vice-principle and one of my ex-teachers... They were wondering what I was doing there... So I told them and ya-da-da... Well they were asking how I was doing and all that... The usual stuff... Looks like I made quite a name in school... Haha... I also saw my ex-students and my juniors... And girls being girls they were like wanting to say 'hi' but at the same time were scared to do so... So anyway, we went to look at the sound system and headed for lunch after that... After lunch, I went to get your Toto and we headed back to office... That was about 1250hrs... So after that, I started writing checks, payment vouchers, filing things, doing accounts and generating invoices... A bit more challenging 'cause I have to get use to the accounting software... But that looks simple... It's just very very tedious... So ya... Guess that will keep me occupied at least for the rest of the week or so... So anyway, that was my day at work... Left office at about 1930hrs and went for music after that... Did theory... 'Cause my exam's on 03 Nov... That's about 6weeks time... After that, it'll be another 4 weeks before I leave for my mission trip and after that, it'll be 11 days till you come home... So those are about the only things I can look forward to right now... Sigh...

Well now that Monday's gone there's another 14 more Mondays to go through... But this also means I'm one more day closer to seeing you... I just hope time passes really quickly... I really miss you heaps and heaps and heaps... So please come back SAFELY and QUICKLY... And I'm expecting a big big big big hug and kiss from you when you come back... And being in uniform is not an excuse 'cause there's no rule that says military personnel cannot express their feelings! I've read the armed forces act already... So don't play play ah... :D

Day 9 of OBO... It feels a little better...

I woke up this morning, for the first time this week, without any anxiety attacks... I was quite calm... Although the little ache in my chest was still there... And for the first time, I was woken up by my alarm... It felt better...

Well Shirley and I met up this morning for coffee at Raffles Place... Went to Coffee Club... Yes darling... That's the place which serves your favourite Jamaican Blue Mountain Coffee... Well we talked about a lot of stuff... Including how you guys met... Quite interesting... I'm so so gonna interrogate you when you come home... And you will NOT have the right to get frustrated... And not answering my questions is a big big no no... Haha... Well we talked till about 2, when she had to go for her trial make-up for her shoot on Friday and Garry's graduation photo shoot later today... So happy for them... And exciting too... It just reminds me of the shoot I did in Penang... Had so much fun... So darling, when will our turn be? Will it be soon?

So after that, I headed home... Reached home at about 1530hrs... Then you called... After that, I got started on your project... Still have so many 'Time' and 'The Economist' magazines to go through and find the relevant articles... And I have this feeling that I'll be going to the Library soon to start borrowing books on the 1990s gulf war... This is like writing a thesis or something... Well I was doing that till about 6plus when mum asked me to help her colour her kindergarten stuff... Well that's when Eddie and you called... You people are terrible... You tell me don't worry... But how not to worry when everyone on board's sick... And it's a matter of time before you get sick again... And you haven't even recovered yet... Seriously, the Bahraini immigrations should quarantine you people and deport all of you home... Haha... Darling there's no way to avoid this... It's in the air.,. Plus the air you all use is recycled... And the viruses spread through the air-con duct... So tell me... How to get better like that... I'm not surprised if the MOs on board are also sick... Then like that how to be operationally ready? Not unless you're telling me it's gonna be biological warfare... Sigh... I'll stop my ranting... I just want you to be well... It worries me when you're sick you know... Plus you also won't take vitamins... How to keep your immune system in tip top condition? Haiz...

Anyway, I better get back to my research... I'll be online till you come online... Even if it means waiting till past midnight... I will wait... Darling, PLEASE TAKE CARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If not I will speak to Lt-Gen Desmond Kuek... Don't forget... He's my neighbour... I love you darling... I MISS YOU LOTS!

Day 8 of OBO... One week down... 15 more to go...

Well it's been 15 minutes since we hung up... It's a little past midnight... I know this should have been Saturday's entry... But oh well... Anyway, this week has been one week of hell for me... It's tough getting used to being without you... Sigh... Haven't been eating properly, having headaches and nausea, haven't been able to sleep well, crying everyday... You name it, I've felt it...

Anyway, I woke up 3times last night... Once at 0140hrs, another at 0630hrs and another at 0745... At 8 plus when I woke up, I was just sick and tired of not being able to go back to sleep... And during those three times when I woke up, I just had an anxiety attack... I woke up having heart palpitations and difficulty breathing... It's damn shit really... Anyway, so I woke up and went to check and send out my emails and also went to check out the accounting course... It'll take me another 3years or so to be a certified accountant... That's too long... Besides, my priority now, now that I've finished my degree, is to get a job and settle down by 25 latest... This brings me to my police force application...

I went for my last interview on Wednesday and got the call from them on Thursday about me making it through the interview... But honestly, after the interview, I was having doubts about signing on there... I know it's really ironic because I've always been so on about it... Well that whole interview set me thinking... So basically I was deliberating whether I should carry on or turn them down... Well that really took a toll on me... Until yesterday, when I couldn't take it anymore, I just broke down... So I spoke to my parents, god-bro and music teacher about it... Well my god-bro said to sleep over it while my parents and music teacher said to pray over it... So that's precisely what I did... I slept over it and went to Novena Church (you have to follow me there when you come home... You'd not understand it's 'power' until you experience it... You don't have to take part in what's going on... But there's no harm if you want too... Just believe that your prayers will be answered... Faith is all you need...) this afternoon to pray for your safety and over this decision... I asked Mother Mary and Jesus to keep you safe from all danger and harm and to bring you back safely, and also asked them to help me be strong for you and give me a sign as to which road I should take... Well I went for mass this evening and during the Homily (it's like a reflection), the priest opened up an offer to all youths between the age of 16-24 to go on a mission trip to an orphanage in Thailand at the end of the year... When I heard that, I somehow knew that was it... It's a real wonder how God speaks to us... Anyway, I figured that once I started work, I wouldn't be able to go on such mission trips anymore, and the experience I'm going to get is more worth it than the money I'll get if I sign on with the police force... So there you have it... I won't be signing on anymore... And should I like the things I do while I'm in Thailand, I might consider social work as a career... So ya...

Anyway, after that, I went over to Jill's place to eat... Today's the only day I actually ate... I had Gado-Gado and Kong Bak Pao... Her granny's a really good cook... Really yummy stuff... But after that, I felt weird... I felt like puking and almost blacked out when I stood up... I also felt unusually tired and restless... So after that, we walked to church for choir practice and mass... During practice, I felt my tummy churning... Then after I could not tahan any longer, I ran to the toilet... I had diarrhoea... Everything I ate during lunch came out... Plus there was a hell of a lot of wind... I swear the pain was unbearable... But after all that, I felt much much better... Still nauseous with chest pains and short of breathe, but at least my tummy didn't hurt as bad... Well after mass, I went out for dinner with mum and her parents ( = my grandparents)... I had Chee Cheong Fun and a bit of satay for dinner... After a while, I started getting a headache... It was at the back of my head... I swear I just wanted to puke... It was terrible... It feels like I'm pregnant la... Shit man... So ya...

Well, that was my day... Apart from the morning attacks, the nausea and occasional shortness of breathe, the headache, and the hurt I feel when I think about or pray for you, my day was relatively alright... Well that's comparing it to the past week from hell... I just hope it's not a temporary thing... And I just pray that from today onwards, time will just fly by me... That's all I'm hoping and praying for... And of course not forgetting YOURS and my safety during our respective missions... I love you baby... I'm always thinking of you... And I miss you just as much as you miss me!!!!!!!!!!!! And I will wait for you... The "100% and more devoted to Becky" you... Like I've always been since the day I fell in love with you... And we will get married and live happily ever after... Or at least I hope and pray it will be like that in the near future... *One big. long, wet, tonguey kiss* *Muackz muackz* *Hugz hugz*...

P.S: Apologies to those who felt awkward reading that last part... It's meant for my darling as you would have figured by now... This is our only way to communicate with each other and keep each other posted on what's happening in our daily lives... But feel free to 'roll' in the love it comes along with... But you know it's meant for, and only for, my darlingest Albert...

Day 7 of OBO... Too Many Obstacles...

I have absolutely no idea what's wrong with me... I've been crying since the day you left... But at the same time, when I'm at work, Such feelings don't really bother me much unless I've got nothing to do or I'm alone in the office (like now)... I've been waking every morning with a rapid heartbeat and breathlessness... Then I'll start to worry... And then after that, I just feel like crying again and can't go back to sleep... I think I've been getting anxiety attacks... I just don't know what causes it... And I don't know how to stop it... It just keeps going for like 30minutes or sometimes even longer... Then I get chest pains... It feels like a strain... But I don't know... And the ring finger on my left hand has started swelling... It feels like something bit it... but there's no wound at all to suggest any thing of that sort... Sigh...

Anyway, there's gonna be a hell lot of changes in the coming months... Just when I'm settling into this new life without you here for me, it's going to be changed again... Sigh... I just got my results for both my school exam and the police interview... Results for my degree was sent yesterday... This year's exams were the best results so far... 3 of my subjects were above 60 and OT, which was fully taught to me 2months before the exam, was a 44... That's really a miracle... I've been conferred the award of BSc Sociology (2nd class honours, lower division)... And of course, part of the credit should go to you, my love, because you were there pushing me to study during my exam prep... The police force also called me up yesterday evening saying that I've cleared my interview... And that before they can confirm appointment, I've to go through a medical screening and some undisclosed procedures... Only then will appointment be confirmed... SIGH...

I know this is something which I've always wanted... But with all that's going on now, I'm not sure if I'm ready for another change so soon... And should I make it through everything, there's gonna be another change when my darling comes home... There is no doubt that he'll understand what I'm going through... But what worries me most is that we will have less time for each other... And I pray that this does not come at the expense of the relationship... I know that true love never fails... But too much tension n too little communication will definitely be detrimental to the relationship... Sigh... I'm only 21 and all these are happening to me now... I guess its better now than later... But I guess this will set me apart from other people my age... And I guess it'll make me grow up much faster than anyone else my age... Haiz... Anyway, I need to get back to work... This will be continued... Either tonight or tomorrow...

Day 6 of OBO... If I ain't got you...

Some people live for the fortune
Some people live just for the fame
Some people live for the power, yeah
Some people live just to play the game
Some people think that the physical things
Define what's within
and I've been there before
but that life's a bore
So full of the superficial

Some people want it all
But I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't you baby
If I ain't got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain't got you, yeah

Some people search for a fountain
That promises forever young
Some people need three dozen roses
And that's the only way to prove you love them
Hand me the world on a silver platter
And what good would it be
with no one to share
with no one who truly cares for me

Some people want it all
But I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't you baby
If I ain't got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain't got you, you, you

Some people want it all
but I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't you baby
If I ain't got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain't got you, yeah

If I ain't got you with me baby

Oh, ooh, so nothing in this whole wide world don't mean a thing

If I ain't got you with me baby

Day 5 of OBO... I don't know...

I just got home from my interview... Going out again in 20 minutes time to your place to put your toothbrush back and see if you've got mail... I'm feeling very very lousy... I don't know if I screwed up my interview... My results are all coming out tomorrow... I just puked again for no reason... I'm turned off by the smell of food... I don't know what's wrong with me... I'm scared I'm going into depression... I'm trying everything to prevent me from going into that stage... But nothing is helping... I just feel like crying all the time... I'm feeling damn shit... I can talk to others about you being gone... But when I'm on my own, I just feel like crying and want you to come home and just be with me... I know it's selfish... But I can't help feeling this way... Everything has gone upside down... I try to be optimistic... But I can't... Every time I think about you, all I think about is the day we said good-bye... Darling I can't cope anymore... Even prayer's unable to comfort me... I just don't know what to do anymore... I feel so so very very lost... I try to understand that you're doing this so we can start afresh... But it hurts me even more that way... I'm feeling cold... I feel alone... I can't cope any longer... I just want to end this pain... I just want to go into a long long sleep...
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Time now is 2332hrs (GMT+8; aka Singapore time)... I just got home from my cousin's place and waiting anxiously for your call... Went there cause they were commemorating the death anniversary of their granddad... It's a Eurasian thingy... So being half that... Yup... You kinda get the picture...

Before that, I went over to your place to get your toothbrush back into its stand n also to collect your mail... Nothing of utmost importance... Just the usual junk from the banks and also an acknowledgement letter on the successful Giro application... Anyway, when I reached there, your dog was barking frantically... And when I went in, she was just jumping all over me... It's like as if she knows that I've not been there in almost a week... Well she's getting better... Real fussy eater... Only eats Cesar, the wet food you bought... She's back to her active self again... Jumping all over the place... Her surgery wound is healing very nicely... The dead skin's starting to fall off... And she now knows how to take off the cone if it's tied using a raffia string... So much so 妹妹 had to use the collar to fasten it... Her allergy also seems to be healing... So that's good... She somehow also knows that you're gone for a long time... She gave me the kind of look which you'd interpret as "how come you're alone? 主人呢?" When I saw that look I started to tear... Even your dog misses you so much... Anyway, your mum started to talk to me about you going for OBO... Did you know she's against it? She didn't want you to leave... And do you know she's also EXTREMELY worried about your safety... She did ask if you called... But I didn't know how to communicate it to her... Not too long after, 妹妹 came home... She went to BMTC today... Well she also asked about you... I just broke down when I told her about you... She was nice about it... She misses you too... She says the house is so quiet without you around... Anyway, so that was that...

So after that, I made my way to my cousin's place... That's when you called... Well after we hung up and after all the 'Hello's, the first question I got was, "Where's your boyfriend?" I swear, that was the question that had me on the brink of tears... I just couldn't speak... I was choking on everything I said... Mum had to answer for me... And this didn't come once... Every auntie of mine was asking for you... Then during dinner, my grandaunt asked me this,"So when's your Big Day?" Honestly speaking, I was stunned! I just didn't know what to reply... Once again, Mum helped me answer... Everyone's being asking for you... I just don't know how to react really... I try to say something, but every time I get choked on my own tears... I just don't know what to say, or what to do without having to end up like this... On the way home, my grandma (my mum's mum) was asking when the results for my interview today will be out... Then I said 2 weeks time... Then she said just pray that it goes well... Then I said... There's a part of me that wants this job... But at the same time, there's another part of me who's willing to sacrifice this opportunity to spend more time with you when you return... Then there was one thing she said that really made me tear, "True love never fails..."

Anyway, it's passed midnight now... You still haven't called... I hope you do soon... My left ring finger is starting to swell for no reason... and typing's starting to hurt... Earlier the area around the thumb felt like I had a paper cut (but thing is I've got no wounds on either fingers)... I just hope I'm not coming down with HFMD... Plus mosquito bites... I hope dengue doesn't set in... But if these things should happen, will you come back and be by my bedside?